I saw this coming so I can’t go around acting surprised. Yet, this production is all-consuming and daunting. My ability to focus on these tasks will have an effect on the outcome. Still, I am behind and am running hard to catch up. imagesI have control in one piece of this process, and I cannot fuck up.

And, oh yeah. I am a single mother now, virtually unemployable and always under-employed, so my sons father and I are learning to work together through this project.

(Of course I have the dishwasher’s guts on the floor because I am replacing a valve in the water pump. I am my father’s daughter, and appliances always need attention when you are least likely to have the time. Figures…)

Man-children, four grades apart in school. One a senior, the other an 8th grader. Two Class of 2010 sets of issues. Shadow-visits. Interviews. Essays. Lots and lots of essays. To get each to the next level of their education requires a small army of experts.

My role is to advocate, point out those unique but often overlooked assets, and keep track of deadlines which are on different paths and make no sense when compared each to the other. I use color-coded files and spreadsheets. I exert parental authority by issuing edicts on when I need rough drafts.

Friends with daughters describe how well their girls take up the cause. There are still gender differences in regards to organizational skills and multi-tasking.

When you commit to prep school, there is no turning back. You do whatever you can, make whatever sacrifices you must in order to support your choice that school is more important than home ownership or more grad school for a parent or…vacations. I won’t be seeing Austria again for a while.

Is it worth it? What if you spend all this money, and your kid wants to be a carpenter? What if he ends up like his parents and devoted to some discipline of the performing arts, and can’t make a living on music alone?

The real goal is a lifelong passion for learning. A parent can’t get attached to a particular outcome. Faith is involved.


6 thoughts on “Follia: ripetere

  1. Carpentry is an honorable profession. Cutting a piece of wood and working it into an overall plan — what I build must last.

    The scent of the stock: Oak, Cedar, Pine, Doug Fir, Mahogany, Teak.Each has a reason to be in play in the project.

  2. Tini!
    YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is worth it….all the sacrifice we make as parents for our children’s education…we feel the crunch everyday as their schools cost more than our mortgage!!! KEEP THE FAITH!!! You are doing the right thing!
    PS. You sound so SAD Tini, so lost….I am going to hold you in the light and pray for you. (Maybe you need a smiling little dolly to cheer you up…don’t laugh…I would love to send you a little one to hold and snuggle. OK, it sounds corny, but all the happy faced dolls I have been making are part of my own HEALING PROCESS.) I have fought depression for many years and am finally to the place where I manage it and my life….I have made choices….ones that support my mental health. Others don’t understand, but my heart and mind are at peace right now….TRUST YOUR HEART…do what you need to do for yourself. And trust in God. Life is not easy, and MOST OF THE TIME, God’s path is not what we would choose for ourselves…I truly believe that! Out of my darkest times have come my deepest sense of self and love of God! TRUST!!!!! I am here for you (and always have been.) Take care and keep in touch! -Silly

  3. Greg,
    So, yeah, apparently Jesus was supposed to be a carpenter, but he got involved with higher education. Any work done with intention is honorable.

  4. Hi Gordy.
    I am using the very site you suggested. I believe I have multiple problems and may need to hire someone.

  5. Silly!
    I am sad. Most of the time a undercurrent, with a few breaks here and there. I can change my external environment, but the issues I have are still mine. That’s a tricky one.

    Faith is a journey. Do you remember the analogy of the kite and the kite holder? The kite holder stands firmly rooted to the ground, spindle of string in hand, and gently allows the kite to fly upwards as high as the kite can go and play. Sometimes the air bustles and the kite spins as if it wants to be let free. But the kite holder does not let go. He pulls back and helps the kite find it’s place again, and when necessary, winds the string, bringing the kite in closer. The kite holder never lets go.

    I try to remember that although I might lose sight of the kite holder, the kite holder never loses site of me.

    So far, I am about 50-50. I am on the chalice rota, so like it or not, I get the big Achtung! on a regular basis. I’m running on faith most of the time.

    Thank you, sister.
    I love you, too.

    (I would love one of your dollys.)

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