My last post, entitled “Agitato e Accesso” caused some consternation about which I will clarify. I combined two musical markings to reflect the notes on my personal score. Agitato (agitated) accesso (ignited, on fire) expressed my mood.

Yesterday I was in that fun house of emotional turmoil felt as angry depression. I’ve been advised that such feelings are normal to my situation.
What concerns me, and causes me despair is an inability to think clearly in a dependable way. Words and actions emerge sideways, and loved ones with the best intentions, people I know have my back, get hit by shrapnel.

To my dear ones, I am so sorry that my pain at times becomes your pain. That my words and actions do not reflect my best self, nor honor my affection for all of you.

I was reminded that when I am scared or unable to see through the smoke bombs, there are always hands surrounding me, reaching out for me to hold onto. I need those hands. I love those hands!

(c)GoshGusMusic(ascap)2009